On this night of endless darkness, I gaze into a reflection on the obscured ceiling above me. Upon observing the reflection, when my mind floats so freely and gently, I see a vivid picture of a place I have always avoided. I may regret my stance of today, but regret is a friend you should never fear—a companion you should always seek for advice, but from whom you should never take any.
inside the womb of darkness I see a shimmering light, one that makes me whole; a sacrifice ought to be made. I may never achieve what I had envisioned, but I will never have an obligation to justify, nor will I ever try to justify, the sacrifice. For I don’t seek the normalcy of a life I choose, nor would I find completion in functionality in a broken, finite world where the soul has lost its meaning and man is reduced to merely an organic machine with no internal infinite.
In my endeavor,I seek the utmost honor to become the madman who sought after his soul in the mud while the rain kept on coming. I may still lack the means, and I still lack the truth of who I am. But through love, hope, dedication and the potential despite suffering I will reach the absolute, I shall complete my search and in time begin my work on the infinite.
The vessel is decaying and the shell is too weak to linger longer than it is destined to, but what is inside is pure and beyond. Yes, I am an artist. I shall adhere to the highest of morals. My sacrifice is my curse, a sweet curse that has brought a greater mission upon me. My sacrifice is to touch the naked truth of the soul through my art.
until I find my resting, I will never leave my work unfinished.
Abdulrahman Barqus, 9/2/2026.
